Jefferson, Thomas (1743-1826) to Thomas Jefferson Randolph

To Thomas Jefferson Randolph
from his illustrious grand Father

My Dear Jefferson,
Your situation, thrown at such a distance from us and alone, cannot but give us all great anxieties for you. As much has been secured for you, by your particular position & the acquaintance to which you have been recommended, as could be done towards shielding you from the dangers which surround you. But thrown on a wide world, among entire strangers without a friend or guardian to advise, so young too, and with so little experience of mankind, your dangers are great, and still your safety must rest on yourself. A determination never to do what is wrong, prudence and good humor, will go far towards securing to you the estimation of the world. When I recollect that at fourteen years of age, the whole care and direction of myself was thrown on myself entirely, without a relation or friend qualified to advise or guide me, and recollect the various sorts of bad company with which I associated from time to time, I am astonished I did not turn off with some of them, and become as worthless to society as they were. I had the good fortune to become acquainted very early with some characters of very high standing, and to feel the incessant wish that I could ever become what they were. Under temptations and difficulties, I would ask myself what would Dr. Small, Mr. Wythe, Peyton Randolph do in this situation? What course in it will insure me their approbation? I am certain that this mode of deciding on my conduct, tended more to its correctness than any reasoning powers I possessed. Knowing the even and dignified line they pursued, I could never doubt for a moment which of two courses would be in character for them. Whereas, seeking the same object through a process of moral reasoning and from the circumstances of my position, I was often thrown into the society of Horse racers, card players, foxhunters, scientific and professional men, and of dignified men; and many a time have I asked myself, in the enthusiastic moment of the death of a fox, the victory of a favorite horse, the issue of a question eloquently argued at the Bar, or in the great councils of the nation, well, which of these kinds of reputation should I prefer? That of horse jockey? A fox hunter? An orator? or the honest advocate of my country's rights? Be assured, my dear Jefferson, that these little returns into ourselves, that self catechising [sic] habit, is not trifling, or useless, but leads to the prudent selection and steady pursuit of what is right. I have mentioned as one of the preservatives of our peace and tranquillity [sic] good humor, it covers the natural want of it, and ends by rendering habitual a substitute nearly equivalent to the real virtue. It is the practice of sacrificing to those whom we meet in society, all the little convenience and preferences which will gratify them, and deprive us of nothing worth a moment's consideration; it is the giving a pleasing & flattering turn to our expressions, which will conciliate others, & make them pleased with us as well as themselves. How cheap a price for the goodwill of another! [2] When this is in return for a rude thing, said by another, it brings him to his senses, it mortifies & corrects him in the most salutary way, & places him at the feet of your good nature, in the eyes of the company. But in stating prudent rules for our government in society, I must not omit the important one, of never entering into dispute or argument with another. I never yet saw an instance of one of two disputants convincing the other by argument. I have seen many of them getting warm, becoming rude, & shooting one another. Conviction is the effect of our own dispassionate reasoning, either in solitude, or weighing within ourselves, dispationnately [sic], what we hear from others, standing uncommitted in argument ourselves. It was one of the rules which, above all others, made Dr. Franklin the most amicable of men in society, 'never to contradict any body.' If he was urged to announce an opinion, he did it rather by asking questions, as if for information, or by suggesting doubts. When I hear another express an opinion, which is not mine, I say to myself, Why should I question it? His error does me no injury, & shall I become a Don Quixote, to bring all men by force of argument to one opinion? If a fact be misstated, it is probable he is gratified by a belief of it, & I have no right to deprive him of the gratification. If he wants information, he will ask it, and then I will give it in measured terms; but if he still believes his own story & shows a desire to dispute the fact with me, I hear him & say nothing. It is his affair, & not mine if he prefers error. There are two classes of disputants most frequently to be met with among us. The first is of young students, just entered the threshold of science, with a first view of its outlines, not yet filled up with the details & modifications which a further progress would bring to their knowledge. The other consists of the ill-tempered & rude men in society, who have taken up a passion for politics. (Good humour & politeness never introduce into mixed society, a question on which they foresee there will be a difference of opinion.) From both of those classes of disputants, my dear Jefferson, keep aloof, as you would from the infected subjects of yellow fever or pestilence. Consider yourself, when with them, as among the Patients of Bedlam, needing medical more than moral counsel. Be a listener only, keep within yourself, & endeavor to establish with yourself the habit of silence, especially on politics. In the fevered state of our country, no good can ever result from any attempt to set one of these fiery zealots to Rights either in fact or principle. They are determined as to [inserted: the] acts they will [3] believe, & the opinions on which they will act. Get by them therefore, as you would by an angry bull: it is not for a man of sense to dispute with such an animal. You will be more exposed to have these animals shaking their horns at you because of the relation in which you stand with me. - Look steadily to the pursuits which have carried you to Philadelphia, be very select in the society you attend yourself to, avoid Taverns, Drinkers, Smokers, Idlers & dissipated persons generally; for it is with such that broils & contentions arise; & you will find your path more easy & tranquil -
Thomas Jefferson

[docket by unknown author]:
[struck: Thanks to] Blessings to thee! thou illustrious shade whom God in his wisdom has thought fit to summon from this world. Thanks to thee for the sublime principles which are contained in this letter. the august and noble maxims of which pursued and adopted will & must secure happiness, peace & respectability. Oh! how often have many of the same impressions occurred to my mind. why was it that I could never know thee how contented would I have been to have devoted my life & energies to thy service for under thy instruction and governance [inserted: and the grace of god] what goodness & usefulness might not have been secured to me.